Firstly, thank you all so much for your loving supportive messages. They really do help :). xx

My partner is going to hospital everyday this week apart from today for meetings with radiotherapists, oncologists etc and on friday has an operation to insert a stomach peg so he can feed. We find out what dates he will have his radiotherapy and chemotherapy. Our hospital is 3 train journeys away and costs al!
I have given most of my money to my cg to help him set up his life and he promised (now laugh) to pay me back and set up a direct debit for a very small amount each week.
In this country if someone gives up their job to care for someone there is no provision for a ‘carer’s allowance’ so I have an agreement with my employers for the next 8 weeks where I just have to work 2 of them and can care for my partner while he goes through his treatment.
I explain this to my cg and ask he sets up the direct debit to help me through this time. Bear in mind he actually earns more than me.
I expect most of you know what’s coming! I was barraged with excuses why he could not do this and it ended in verbal abuse hurled my way and no offer of help. I kept relatively calm said he was unbelievable and to leave me alone. We agreed for him to go and live his life and for me to go and live my life.
I love my son but I don’t like my son.
So now no contact for the weekend and I have been able to enjoy a stressfree, free from emotional abuse weekend before my partner embarks on his treatment plan. I feel relief. My daughter is on standby to come and help me too.

If you want to do something for me now, please send good vibes my way to help me get through this next phase of my life. We are both really scared.

San xx