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Thanks for your support, Charlster. I felt I was the only one in my world and for years no one knew the dark secret I had and the only hope of getting somewhere and having money. I totally believed and trusted gambling more than anything else. No one could convince me otherwise. That was my escape, my saviour, my life. I felt I was self sufficient having gambling there.

How wrong I was ! It changed me as a person. I lost my purpose in life, meaning and didn’t enjoy any normal simple things in life. It had to be big, not simple. I couldn’t spend time with friends or hobbies as that inconvenienced and robbed me of my gambling time. When I was out, the voices in my head danced around even more and became more and more attractive and excited to me that I couldn’t wait to get home to get that win. That turned me into a liar and being dishonest when being asked to go out or questions about my lack of finances. It infuriated me. I didn’t think it was any of their business anyway. I was only accountable to myself and was destructing myself no one else. But I was destroying everyone around me too without realising it. I lost my partner of 6 years and damaged close family relationships.

But for the first time I feel surrounded by people who understand what I’m going through and has been there. I can’t just stop as I’m told to and stay stupid by throwing money into a dark hole and fund some wealthy person while he sits on sandy shores in the Caribbean with a pina colada. Most of this only drove me further and deeper into my dark secret world of gambling which one day I would show everyone I’ve got it all.

That day never came but only destroyed my soul more and more and sent me on a downward spiral of guilt, shame and remorse which resulted in depression with no money and no value of money. A vicious cycle.

Thanks for your support and reading my post.
All the best for you, too, Charlster. You are a real stalwart and warrior !