Have I tried to quit gambling and found that I couldn’t? Have I quit gambling on my own and found that my life was so painful without gambling that my abstinence didn’t last very long? What were those times like?
I have tried to stop alcohol and gambling and failed many times.
Each time the reality of living life hit me, I learn that many bad things can happen to me in recovery and they can be painful and hard.
I do not have the wisdom to understand that bad things can also happen to good people and bad things can happen even when we try to do good or do the correct thing.
I only feel that the discomfort, stress and pain from not drinking alcohol and gambling in those difficult situations was worst and more painful.
I was foolish, and desperate to escape the pain. I wish the pain to go away, I was stupid and willing to risk everything to self-medicate to feel better.
I knew the consequences of taking alcohol or gambling was bad, but I have already become so selfish, dishonest and irresponsible and do not care anymore.
When I was stress and anxious, I remember what alcohol and gambling can do for me, it offers me an escape and solution to my problem.
Many times, slot was used when I need to find a relief from anxiety, loneliness and stress. Same reason I use alcohol.
Alcohol and gambling were a familiar and predictable way for me to numb the pain and suffering in my life.