Today is the 15th of October 2015 and this is my fresh start. I’m not going to over complicate things at the moment but I am quite simple going to stop gambling. I am admitting defeat to bookmakers and casinos, they win, I lose. My money is gone and I am not getting it back. Money is not everything and in all honesty I have no need for mass amounts of money. I have been through everything with gambling and its led me to places I did not like, it’s changed me and I am breaking up with it. I’m not addicted to losing money, I am not addicted to hurting people, I don’t enjoy gambling and I know I would much prefer to be doing something else with my life and time.
However I do believe I am addicted to being a “zombie” as I described in my gambling before, losing myself in these machines or games. I’m addicted to forgetting my real problems and my urges to run away are overwhelming, just the exact same way maybe people turn to alcohol and drugs, I have turned to gambling. This is an addiction I have to break, it’s that simple. I need new habits and need to break the cycle of destruction. As I said I don’t feel there is need to complicate this right now as I know with over thinking about MY life, it makes me want to run and forget, something that is obviously a massive trigger in my life to disappear within a bookmakers or casino. I accept that this is not a solution or an option for me any longer and if i took anything from my time at Gamblers Anonymous it would be the serenity prayer.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
Courage to accept the things i can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
Learning to accept that i cant change what i have done, i cant go back, but i can learn from this. I can never change gambling, but i can change my life and can change and make amends for my actions to others.
So today i don’t feel like being a “zombie”
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