#3698
nomore 56
Participant

Hi dcor, I hear you about being stretched thin. To the point of breaking I guess? First thing I would do is get a credit report for the both of you. You can do hers if you have her social. And sign up for a monitoring service. They will alert you any time she applies for a loan, a new card or cash advances. Once you have info about the whole “damage” she has done so far, you might want to sit her down without being angry or emotional, just trying to be matter of fact. The addiction will not want to listen and get really upset but you should not let that stop you. It’s important that you don’t get angry and let her know that you want to support her but can only do so if she is willing as far as the finances are concerned. What happens if she continues to gamble away her paycheck? Will you be in danger of losing your home, be without power or anything? My husband only had moments of enlightenment when I showed him the numbers. Not even in his worst days was he able to deny the naked facts. It is exhausting, I know. Do you have access to her account? That way you could at least check what is going on. Do not threaten her with anything you are not prepared to go through with. The addiction will just happily ignore you and keep on moving. Can you find a GamAnon group in your area? It helps to talk to people who are in the same boat. RE the finances in your state: maybe you can find out if you are able to inform her credit card companies that you are not willing to back her debt. I should have done that! I filed bankruptcy for debts I didn’t owe and knew nothing about. As a last effort, you could think about filing for a legal separation. Just for the time being. You don’t have to actually leave, just put the document in a drawer just in case. That way, you can protect yourself. Learned my lessons the hard way and looking back I still don’t know how I survived it all. But I did and so can you!!!!