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Hi Twighlight

I am striving to be strong. It is constantly difficult but Is find if I can distract myself I am not putting myself in positions where I become vulnerable.

My CG is in a period where is gambling is less active I suspect as he has money to spend on our daughter when we spent some family time together. This is where it becomes more difficult for me as I see less CG but more of the person and although I know this doesn’t help me as its more painful in the long term and I need to be strong for my daughter. His addiction has just settled a while and he thinks of other things . it will return.

Its been half term so more time to fill and more time to think. I am better when im at work as my life is more structured. I am planning more with friends and try to keep busy.

I keep telling myself do not react for the next time I get annoyed when my CG doesn’t do as he says. Its easy to forget how truly awful it is when things go quiet? It often does with my CG but I do know my resolve will get tested at some point. I do not enable with money but worry that I do with my attitude towards him now. I do not mention the prior months when he failed to take steps to see our daughter and I’ve done all the encouraging until recently.I’d constantly like to remind him of this but choose not too. I suspect he has now forgotten all of that! We have spent some time together as a family and this is probably not wise for me.

I read your reflection and it hits home so much. I think i m struggling as I’m not angry. I’m so used to anger that its difficult to know what to feel when that dies down a little.

I have such alot to be thankful for . My daughter is very happy. She makes me very happy . I am very proud of her. I enjoy spending time with my friends and family. I know I just need to keep working on me to fill the emptiness in me. I don’t want to fill it again with a CG. Its very simple really. I often wonder why I keep struggling.

Thanks for your time again twilight and as always velvet.

Best wishes
M x