I loved the line, “I wish I can find that system restore button in myself to go back in time, and fix where it all began …” that made me smile.
I can relate to a lot of what you say. I came from a really poor background, (my father was a compulsive gambler.) I literally had no shoes for a couple of years growing up – spent all my time in the plastic sandals you use on the beach. I went from that to being a sales manager for a national company at age 21 with a company car – unlimited mileage – expense account. Nothing on the scale you are talking of – but beyond my wildest dreams.
Yet it didn’t feel real. It didn’t fulfil who I am. I had a failing marriage and few friends as I was working so many hours – I had no time (or energy) to socialise. But I found time to gamble.
So apart from doing all the practical stuff – like losing access to gambling sites, losing access to ready money to gamble with and finding better use of time. Apart from doing all that – I also found counseling and looking at where it had all gone wrong. I learnt how to “find myself” and what really mattered to me – which was not the high-powered lifestyle but more simple things like enjoying the natural world.
I guess I rebooted myself when I decided to sell up my life in the UK and go travelling around the world. I am doing this on a shoe-string, but enjoying the slow pace of life and doing what I want to do – not having to be thinking about monetizing everything.
Now I am not saying that you need to sell up and start again – but I think spending some time talking to a professional and looking at ways in which you can mold your life into something intentional instead of following the money (which is just being thrown away anyway) may help. That’s my 2 cent’s worth. I hope it helps.