It is so difficult to examine our feelings when we are in the throes of our cg’s addiction. Our emotions are all over the place – reacting to this, worrying about that, expecting one thing and being disappointed in what we get instead.
I think the most difficult thing for me to accept is that I cannot say or do anything that will make him want do whatever it takes to stop gambling and save our marriage. I’ve been married many years too so it would be difficult to walk away, but that’s what it will come down to in the end for me – gambling or marriage because I refuse to live with this addiction in my life.
I have a long way to go yet, but some time back, it finally began to sink in what everyone meant in saying “take care of yourself”. And when I began doing that – thinking more about ME and what I feel, and what I want and what I don’t want – instead of constantly allowing my husband’s gambling addiction to monopolize my thoughts, I began to change. I began to feel stronger and more able to stand up against his addiction. And he began to notice a difference in me.
This is a long, hard, painful and exhausting journey Shelly and I don’t think anyone here would tell you different … but you know by now you are not alone. What you may not know yet is that you can get through this by TAKING CARE OF YOU. Keep reading and posting, you’re doing well.