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#4701
pammm
Participant

Thank you Vera, Worriedmama and Theone. It really helpful to have your feedback and support and it’s good to get the different perspectives from a cg and mother of a cg as well. Still struggling. But it is a cycle. I want so badly to believe that everything is ok, and we go through cycles where I can pretend that it is ok for awhile, but then I’ll become aware that more gambling has been happening the whole time. The longer it goes on I become afraid that I will start to see it as normal when I know that it is dysfunctional chaos. My husband and I haven’t really spoken very much for the past few days since I confronted about the most recent credit card activity. He did not apologize, or readily admit anything and would not give any insight into what was going through his head. Now we are just kind of going through the motions, trying to act normal in front of the kids but not really speaking to each other. This is not a normal way to live. I never expected or wanted my life to be this way.
I am an accountant, and I have made a budget of certain household expenses he is to be responsible for based on the pay he takes home, but when it comes time to pay his share of the mortgage he does not have the money because he gambled it. I am not going to not pay the mortgage because I do not want us to lose our home, so I pay the whole thing. Each incident pushes me closer and erodes whatever love I once had for him. I’ve just been thinking over in my head how to tell his family, if I should tell his family? When/how to say that I want him to leave? What to tell the kids? Where will he go? etc. but I don’t actually do anything.