Well its true i can push people away,i have learned over the years ,guilty,i also have asked directly for help and been refused so many times ,i really had to stop.
GA well we are a small group,and yes i have said i need more help asked for a sponser,asked for the call list a few times.They dont do sponsers i was told,and the phone list is always in the making.
Went weekly for years .
And that last question i was asked What can i changed ,well kinda stumped me,i cant change my life ,only can change how i view it,cant go back and change the consequences of my gambling,wich will take me till iam 65.What i can change is stop gambling forever.work harder to make more money,cause stopping gambling still doesnt allow for me savings,i can stop feeling sorry for myself and just except my fate,and hope that it all one day i wake up happy.
Ah the serenity prayer,God grant me the strength and courage to get through this day and the ability to keep my big mouth shut,thats my version.say it every morning to myself going up the elevator to work,and just before i walk into the care home.
No one wants to hang out with me ,well cause for one thing when hubby got sick all my friends dissappeared one by one and thats okay i understand,my world isnt exactley ,shopping trips and ,dinners out ,or spa days,gym or yoga or even just going for a simple walk,im not interested in anything lost all joy for living a long time ago,and that is just reality for me.
Doing time.
Im sorry for axcusing people of not caring ,i didnt answer posts either,
Gambling shattered my world,Hubbys sickness shattered my world.
When i go to the casino i can still find the old me for a few hours,and i miss me.
But i know that is the dream world cause the old me is dead,i cant come back.
But for those few hours i can still find bits of the old me.But everytime i go back there is just that little bit less of the old me there.
What i guess im trying to say is its not the gambling im missing its more me.
Did you know that so little had change in 6 months the fellow told me he didnt need to update my photo,said i hadnt changed at all,and guess what same shoes,same sweater i was wearing ,same purse ,same car,same jeans,same messed up hair,same EVERYTHING.
Like time stood still ,and it did ive been stuck for years.
No one can be expected to help me ,until i can help myself first.
But i have a sneaky feeling that this is it,for me damaged ran to deep.and the worst is yet to come.
Still hurting tonight ,but i do appreciate all your time you took to write your posts thank you.
I really helps me to rethink a few things.
May be one day i will P we will meet in chat again ,that would be nice ,so glad you are doing well ,been a long long journey for you hugs.
Please be patient with me God isnt finished with me yet ,or is he lol .yikes night take care.
