thank you for writing.. I didn’t think I would need support still.. but still feeling I need it.. I had to go to court yesterday.. I finally said he cant do this to me. I filed contempt of court against him because he has continued to gamble and not pay adequate child support. I was in a court room with my ex-husband…20 years married.. asking him to please pay for his children. He stood up said he had paid some, but not all, and he suffers from mental illness, and gambling addiction. I said nothing, my lawyer was with me. The hearing was over.. he walked out behind me.. not a word spoken between us. How has this happened.. I then get a text 3 hours later, it said he is sorry that it has come to this.. and maybe our marriage was a lie .. and again he writes Im sorry. I have been heartbroken , crying since yesterday.. what is wrong with me.. why am I not just angry . I am disappointed in myself. I feel like my life is surreal.. in a bad way. He chose to gamble.. walk away from treatment.. and Im here feeling guilty, I text me he want his life with me, this is my fault, he wanted to grow old with me… well I wanted that more than anyone.. please help me get stronger.. I was doing so good.