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great to meet you Jenna 🙂 It’s great that you have got your barriers in place to protect your pay in the early days it really is the only way.
Gov you are doing amazingly well you should be very proud of how much you have put into place to keep you safe from this demon.
I am not doing too bad except my anxiety has been really bad the last couple of days, even the littlest thing I need to do, sets me into I can not cope mode. Just getting ready, just having a shower is like a stressful task, an every day event like a mountain to be climbed. I think the anxiety has worsened as I was due to have an apt with a councellor yesterday which I did attend, however although the chap was a very nice chap I felt most anxious throughout the session which he picked up on and it did not lessen even at the end of the session. I have some difficulties relating to men, a lot related to past events that go back a long way and also I really have not had anything to do with men for years, gosh that sounds like I am a man hater but I am not it’s just that I know I won’t be able to talk to this man about certain things, I am already dreading next week so I think I am going to have to email and explain and ask if it is possible to have a female even if that means I have to wait a while, I am not sure if this will even be possible but I don’t think there is much point in going if it just makes me feel more anxious, I really don’t know, everything is such a struggle right now. In a way the first couple of weeks without gambling were a lot easier than they are now, I noticed that in previous stop attempts, it’s as time goes on things seem to get overwhelming for me and that was when the gambling option of escape became the release. It was never a release though not ever as I always felt worse after than I did before the event, I have to admit though that during the event I had peace, relief but so short lived. I guess it would be the same for folk who had a really good night out drinking with friends it was great until the next morning but multiply that hangover by about a thousand and you will be almost at the gambling hangover place, not nice not nice at all, so I can’t have that place anymore, I have to learn to deal with my anxiety and be brave. I have been meaning to buy this book called face the fear and do it anyway for a long time, I could not afford it though! Now, I think it is time I spent money on things that can help me, not destroy me, so I will buy it.
Yes, I just made a positive decision 🙂