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Thank you Lauren. …you’re a very kind person.
Well. ..I do not know what on earth is going on in my life right now. If I didn’t know any better I’d think the end of my life is nigh ! They say your past comes back to haunt you and you make peace before you die, but whatever. .the strangest series of events has occurred over the last 24 hours that it makes me wonder! !
So. . I decided to tell my son on Tuesday about my gambling addiction and the fact that I would be disappearing for a couple of days. He always knew I liked a gamble but not how serious it had become. To be fair to him he listened and when I’d finished he asked if that’s why we’re always “broke”….so I said yes. …then he gave me a hug and told me he was proud of me for telling him and doing something about it.
An hour later he was snatching my phone out of my hand to see if I was “at it” again!
I wasn’t. …I was simply popping a few pandas!
He’s twenty, in case I haven’t mentioned that already. Anyway, we got over that and I went upstairs to watch a bit of telly. The next thing I know he’s come in the room asking me if he can change his name by deed poll!! I said what on earth are you talking about? Now, our surname is pretty long and ugly looking to tell the truth. . .so when he tells me he’s always hated it I can see where he’s coming from, because I’ve always hated it myself! I was adopted into it and it was always a source of embarrassment to me too, plus it sounds nothing like it looks, so it’s always mispronounced wherever you go. But he says he’s thinking ahead and when he gets his own van it’ll be too long, look awful and cost a fortune in sign writing!
Well. ..I had to laugh at that one. Off he goes again busying himself with cooking up some protein shake or something.
I’m still playing Panda Pop when he’s “back in the room” ! This time he tells me that he wants to meet his dad. His dad and I split up when I was pregnant and neither of us have seen him since. Though through some research I was able to get a mobile number for him six months ago which I passed onto my son but when he contacted him he told my son he doubted he was his and that he had “nothing to offer” him at the moment and that he’d give it some thought!
Like I say. ..that was six months ago and not a peep since, clearly because I was so wrapped up in my gambling I hadn’t realised how much this had been bothering my son. I told him I’d try and establish communication with his father for him.
Then. …remember I said I thought the bf was acting a bit strange? So Tuesday evening he “forgets ” to pick me up, which he normally does on his way home as he passes my house. I was kind of expecting it and was getting even more paranoid when about an hour later he texts me to say dinner in the oven, come round when ready. So I did! Absolutely nothing was mentioned by him about his forgetfulness and I couldn’t be bothered making an issue out of it. it was left.
Well that was Tuesday night. ….
Wednesday brought a whole heap of fresh issues!
Unbelievable and you couldn’t make it up!
I came to this country in 1988 from Ireland. I had a six year old daughter at the time. I won’t go into all the horrible times we went through when we first came over, but they were none too pleasant. After about a year I met some Irish girls and stayed with them for a while. ….and in the meantime started a relationship with their brother which came to a rather unpleasant ending emotionally, not physically. I’ve never been in a physically abusive relationship. That all happened in about 1989/90.
Yesterday……guess who tracks me down on Facebook? Him! !!
That brought back some buried memories.
So there I am still reeling from the shock of the above when the next thing I know my ex boss texts me to say he’s passing my way and did I want a fag. ….We used to chat a lot in the smoking shelter at work. So that brought back memories.
Memories, memories.
We’re in the afternoon now. …another text. Didn’t recognise the number. It was telling me that they were driving down the road I used to live on when I lived in London and how it was still a shit hole and nothings changed. Who the fkn hell is this I thought to myself! So I said I don’t know who you are, but rather you than me! When he told me who he was I was floored again!
In 1993/94 I fell in love with a Greek waiter who worked in a wine bar near to my office in London. It was him! !!
This was getting bizarre. Three blasts from the past in one day!
My son comes home from work wanting me to start working on getting his dad to meet him. That would be the fourth.
I did get in touch with him. …that’s a whole other story. He’s not very “forthcoming” shall we say as he now has a family which know nothing of me and my son. I told him we weren’t interested in money (as I’ve never once bothered with him or the CSA for a penny), or disrupting his new family, but that all his son wants to do is shake hands and have a pint with his father and get the “wonder what he’s like” thing out of his head. So. ..we’re going to have to wait and see on that one!
If ever there was a day that would have driven me to gamble it would have been yesterday!!!!