Thank you for the warm welcome. As you suggest I will tell you a little of my story andhow I come to be here.
My partner is not my husband, we do not even live together in fact I live in Wales he lives in England but we have been a couple over 18 months.
Initially I did not know about his gambling. He told me he had a problem with alcohol, although when we met he wasnt drinking. It was mnths later, long after I had fallen in love with him that he had written me a letter and handed it to me telling me about his gambling. Even then I was oblivious at to the awful extent of it, and of the dark despair he often found himself in.
Months later he decided to move to Wales and rent a house near me. For about 6 months it worked and he didnt gamble but to try to earn a livin he was travelling back home every weekend for hi business. Thats when the problems started and he moved back to go back into GA meetings as in Wales there is only one a week , whereas there it was every day.
Then the gambling really took hold with avengeance again. Our relationship was off more than it was on as he struggled with the guilt of lying to me. When hes guilty he pushes me away as he knows hes letting me down. Then he uses drink to curb the gambling and it becomes a viscious circle.
My kids turned against him because of the drinking and the way he was upsetting me when he constantly pushed me away and pulled me back to him. Im an intelligent woman with a degree but with him Im putty. Ive seen the awful dark, depths he plummets too , hes gambled since he was 9 years old, and hes desperate to stop. Hes a lovely, clever, kind, sweet man when hes not gambling who’d do anything for anyone.
Im desperately unhappy. I want so much for all this madness to stop. I want what we had those first few months he came to Wales. I dont know where to turn. Ive worried about him and looked out for him, organised and sorted him, even though these last months from afar. Ive seen me jumping on the train because hes in such a state and not getting there till 10 pm at night. And id do it all again tomorrow? How do I survive this time with no contact? How do I get myself back when all I can think of is him and his problems?