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Hi San
Thanks for the hug even if it was just a cyber one it meant a lot. I’m so glad this will be a much better Xmas for you, I felt terrible for moaning after hearing about ur last Xmas. My brother and husband both went through chemo and I know how dreadful an experience it is but you are living proof there is life after it, so well done you.
I’m so grateful for the support I am getting here. I know I have to look after myself but it would be easier if I thought I still had his love to look forward to. The thought he doesn’t love me kills me, especially as he said he did just few weeks ago, and in such endearing and loving ways. My head is shot with all the thinking, and bitter sweet memories crowd my mind. Trying best to push them away but not winning many battles at the minute.
Most of my friends don’t understand why I’m still with him, in my own brain sometimes I don’t either, but it’s my heart won’t let me give up on him.
I’m trying best to keep going and as you said just focusing on that day . Being with my kids is helping and speaking to you guys definitely helps.
Velvet , Harry and Monique, as well as yourself have been fab. As for my friends , while lovely, they judge and that doesn’t help. I do have a friend who’s a trained counsellor and therapist and he sees me for free every few weeks, I have a session in an hour and talking, and crying to him will help, it always does.
All I can do I guess is keep on the path and try to walk it best I can and hope maybe his and my path can cross again. If not I’ll face that when I have to. I’ll put my faith in the higher spirit I believe in to help me through.
Thank you all for taking the time out of your day. You ll never know how much it means to feel I have friends on MY side
Love Neecy xxxx