Thank you so much for your comments Velvet …. They are not as hard as you may be think they are … Your reassurance about the “light bulb’ has made me feel so much better. I have accepted the situation as it is …. I have my hobbies (building dolls houses lol and others) I am trying to eat well and keep busy. The financial side is hard …. I carry on … I cannot give up on ‘us’ and I look to provide the rock for him when he is ready. My first marriage was to a man who became a narccicistic control freak lol …. 25 years was enough of that … I learnt a lot about my self during and after …. I have slowly found the strengths again and altho the situation is very different I am using knowledge gained about my self again … remembering maybe …. It is a hard row to hoe as they say , good days and sometimes not as good …. I am a very stubin person when I ‘need’ to be … I spoil my self to feel good ($2 shops great for that) and I am smiling about myself and my life .. I have always been a ‘cup half full’ person and find the positives where I can …. This …. lol one bloody giant learning curve …. jus great to have some understanding!!