Thank you Velvet and nomore56.
It has been so long that I have taken care of myself. Need to remember what I used to do. 🙂

My boys are 11 and 7 from a previous marriage. They are the biggest factors in me seriously thinking of leaving. I don’t have any more chances for him. If I have to my dad said I could move in with him, till I get myself caught up and find a new place. School is almost out, so if this happens soon, things will be okay for a few months. So, I have options to go to…

I just go from being angry, scared, resentful, sad, hopeless, helpless, and worthless. I just stayed in my office most of the day, and did not make an effort to see who I needed to see where I worked, and just read the different topics on this website.

As for hb, he continues to be really depressed, and not saying much. One of his strategies was to remodel his mom’s old place to keep him busy and out of trouble. He did talk about that this evening to get started. At least if we seperate, I know he has a place to live, and not too far from his work. BTW, he does not own a car, he lost his motorcycle a few months ago bc of his gambling. I think that his bank is no longer allowing him to overdraft his account at the ATM in the casinos. I do hope that he decides to get help, and I do hope that he gets serious about his recovery, but my boys are important to me, and I am important to me too.

I understand addiction is selfish and wants the addicts’ full attention. I was there with that with alcohol. Drowning the shame and guilt night after night, waking up in the morning and not liking the person that I saw in the mirror. Yet, continuing it the next day…

Again, thank you for your support and me rambling on like this.