Is it possible that I’m beginning to see a little bit of light? It feels that way although I don’t want to feel like its false hope. I feel even the tiny steps that I’m taking… & I do mean tiny.. Are helping me to distance myself from the addiction and really value myself.
We have this ridiculous game we play where I ask my husband to do something and he then turns around and asks me how to do the task….Basically asking me to do what it is that I have already asked him to do. Like he is helpless and couldn’t possibly sand the driveway unless I gave him direct instructions on how to do so.
So now when he turns around and dumps it back on me I say something like “well I don’t know” or” I’m sure you can figure it out “and I just walked away. & I let it go. Which is sort of a new thing for me because it’s hard for me to let go of anything.
This feels like progress to me. I know it’s such a small thing But it allows me some distance and makes room in my mind, as Jenny you suggest, for other things. So I don’t have to feel like I have to control everything. And if I don’t then probably nothing is going to completely fall apart. I make sure the children are safe of course but I need to not care so much about everything else.
Especially my CG. I feel even this tiny shift had given me room to breathe. …much needed room.
My CG is working on “keeping his side of the street clean” as he says and I need to work on keeping myself safe And keeping myself from worrying so much about everybody else’s problems.
Thank you all for teaching me that.I’m hanging in there and hoping for a better 2014.