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Vera and Kpat for your advice.
My anxiety certainly seems to have hit a new level since not gambling, so it was definitely my medication for anxiety,
I have done nothing about my appointment tomorrow, I was going to email the counsellor but decided I would speak to him about my concerns face to face, which is half way to being brave for me anyway.
We can advise each other, but of course the only thing for sure we all have in common is the compulsive gambling, advice helps a lot but we each have to find our own way and what works for us. I have many reasons that the male session is uncomfortable for me, it is not just because I relate better to ladies in general. Anyway I will see how it goes tomorrow.
The worst thing about anxiety is the fact it has no logic, half the time I don’t even know what I am anxious about, I don’t feel as depressed but I seem to have exchanged that for a bigger helping of anxiety. I have a lot of things happening within my family that I can’t make perfect, someone I love is suffering and I know that the problems she has have been caused by me, that’s a fact and I am fighting the self despise a lot of the time. The gambling did that, my gambling as I would never have suffered so much mental health problems if I had never gambled and to live with someone who is like that for years is bound to have an effect.
I can never get those years back, all I can do is do my very best to stay on an even keel and that can only be achieved by not gambling. Gambling has robbed me of peace forget the money, its the destruction of me.
I need to be able to make everything better take away her pain, I wish I knew how. How could I have let it go on for so long! How could it ever have been fun? actually fun stopped long ago. Maybe I should have called myself humpty dumpty……