Thanks for the messages. I take what happened as a good sign. I got 11 days away. I met some lovely people, I got to chill out and relax and wind down. That was probably the most important thing. I must stress that I wasn’t told I am not a compulsive gambler. I am. The way I gambled over the last 3 years was nothing if not compulsive. But the gambling is a symptom of a deeper malaise. It was just another addiction I used to medicate, hide, avoid reality. I do not believe for a moment that I can gamble again. Ever. I can’t.
Velvet, thank you for your post. I am and always will be a compulsive gambler. It is just that it was felt by the people who run the programme that I am not the kind of gambler suited for the programme. I totally accept that. I haven’t been gambling long, it is not part of my life. Sure, I did tremendous damage with it, but the need and urge to gamble was less that the kind of gambler who gets treatment.
Charlster, you have been gambling for 30 odd years. Obviously I don’t know you, but I feel that you are the kind of person that can treat and treat well.
I had a good day today, made an appointment to get my hair cut, washed some clothes. It is weird to be back in the family home on my own as my parents are away in Germany. I grew up here, it has always been my home, and I feel very relaxed here. But I am sleeping in the spare room as I obviously do not have a room. I do not feel like a child. This is perfect – everything happens for a reason, we just might not know it at the time. I HAD to become a compsulive gambler. I had to do what I did as I am learning new and important lessons about myself, which I HAVE to learn. It is vital. If I don’t, my life will stay the same.
I am happy to be on the journey I am on. It has been very frightening at times, and I am sure it will be hard along the way. But now, I am excited. I see new opporttunities, new possibilities. And that is a world away from the posts I made in Feb/ march or how I was feeling towards the end of last year. I am gaining some perspective.
Charlster, when do you go. Be open minded. It works, I have seen it working with people who has been there 8, 9 weeks etc. These are professionals. They will give you valuable tools and help you move on. You take care.
Peace and love.