Thanks for the reply Vera, yes my wife knows about my gambling and has pretty much all the time I have gambled, she didnt know I was a compulsive gambler until I told her about 4 years ago and admitted I had a problem and she never really new to the extent it went, its probably no consalation but I have always provided for my wife and kids, always looked after them as best I could but have also caused the unneeded and unwanted stress and suffering.
My wife wont talk to others about it as in truth I think she is embrassed by me and I accept and understand that, I have shown her the friends and family section on here and said do whatever you need to do and tell me if I can do anything else to help apart from the obvious, I left her with that and for all I know she is in here sharing, at the moment we seem to be OK but life has alot of stress and at times (like everyone) people grow apart and thats when you have to make time and spend quality time together and basicly get to know each other again, the children need alot of time as they are 5 and 9 and I spend alot of time with them……………I have always spent alot of time with them but in truth if I havent of gambled for 24years I would have spent alot more time with many people, in truth I cannot change what I have done and it has made me the man I am today, I am happy with alot of me and not happy with the other 50% but hey life is a work in progress and as long as I dont gamble thats the major part of the bad gone……I must always remember that and hold onto that thought.
I love my wife and two children and always will (silly thing to say I know as I am sure everyone loves there partner and children) but I always tell them and make sure they know it, whatever I have done, whatever I am, I promise you I love and care about people and that is something I will always do, glad you stayed gamble free Vera and so really happy for you, after placing that first bet again I always feel ripped apart and soul destroyed……..even if that first one is a winning one I still feel sick because I know I have just stepped back on that same old rollercoaster……..you know the one I mean, the one that doesnt stop until you get right to the bottom and you end up crashing and causing you and everyone next to you alot of pain and suffering AGAIN……..just for today I will not gamble and with that I am so very happy.
My very best to each and everyone of you, I hope you are all doing well, and living gamble free one day at a time, there is always hope no mater how deep you are in, people who want to change, can change and do change, take care and speak soon.
Maverick (Lee)