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Indeed, I am amazed at things I’m accomplishing around the house with working and supporting others. But after a busy day’s work and being productive with distractions, these little devils still won’t allow me to retire before going back on the sites and checking for bonuses or foolishly playing in ‘practice mode’ without money till 4am for the last for nights !

It has showed me how gullible they’ve made me with an incentive and near misses till we play and it takes one down to nothing with no wins after those lovely BIG wins ! How easily we fall for it yet we know their game plan…. ?

Last night I was given a small bonus of £25 but it was good to playing with real money and I was taken over by my ‘Lauren Bigtimer ‘ and felt all the trappings and expectations of winning again. I played very small bets so I could play longer but was blown away when I got a win for £300 from a small bet ! That was so much money to me when I didn’t have a cent and I was over the moon. Thought how I could buy wet food for my cats now as they’re not happy and are whining for food cos there is only dry food and getting myself some eats too etc. But then true to form, it wasn’t enough…..I have in to the demon ‘just try to get £350 and then you can stop’ but when I got that, just try for £400 and got that too and then £450…..that led me all the way down to playing to zero. So what’s new ? I do it all the time ! Enough is never enough. Even if I win, I WILL lose cos I have to get more and more ! It is an never ending loser’s game and no one ever truly wins or beats this game !

So Charles the real test is coming up soon this week with payday. I have thought my head is right and I’m determined this time but since being exposed to these flashy, tantalising, tempting colourful and musical slots, I am not so sure. I even worked it out in my head that I would pay all my bills as soon as I got paid and transfer the ‘credit’ from my overdraft to my savings account so I couldn’t use it. But these demons have got into my head with that bonus and the tempted whispers in my head of ‘you can win just as you did now, you just need to stop and cash it in.’ Right ! Do I ever ? No ! I can’t remember when last I cashed money in. I play all winnings down to nothing. I’m not good at this, can’t win this or take it on, so I have to admit defeat as I do not have the control to STOP.

So, I have blocked myself from these sites now to safeguard myself and put some barriers to deter me and secure my income this month. I keep telling myself I don’t want to give them one cent this month. It will be such a treat to even have any money the day after I get paid. That would just be sweet heaven for me…..

So with your support, prayers and me looking up and not trusting in my efforts, I hope to salvage my income this week.

Thanks for your support and posts.