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Thanks Happy. I have noticed my moods are swinging massively, and I am truly hateful of myself. I have ruined my life so much – I don’t want to sound like I am whining or moaning, but I am truly in pieces. I have never ever in all my life felt like this. I am living in a nightmare of which there is no escape. It seems that stopping gambling has made my mind worse in terms of the mood swings. I have gotten so little done since Jan of this year and time is just flying by. I go to GMA next week and I have still so much to sort out here. I cannot relax, my thoughts keep going back to last year when I had the world at my feet if I had seen it. If I had stopped gambling. If I had looked for recovery when I had the chance. God gave me the chance on Jan 27th of 2014. If I had gone back to GA and said there and the “that’s it, no more gambling. Quit forever” I would not be here now.

But I know I cannot change the past, but my mind is so fucked up right now. I don’t know what the future holds. I read so many sad stroies on here of people whose gambling has led them into dark places, and I am in a dark place too. How did that happen, how did I let it happen.

I wish everyone a good gamble free day. Day 33 today.