I think there is a movie “the never ending story” and when I think of it for the compulsive gambler it is “the never ending recovery journey”. It is the way it has to be for me as I know if I don’t do it this way then I will have a life full of turmoil. I know that some people say they do not fear gambling again as they have accepted they can’t gamble. I know that I am a compulsive gambler and so I can’t play those machines again yet I still have fear that I do. I know that I have changed since I started recovery, but I still have a long way to go. I think my fear is that it is like being on a diet and then you stop and you eat everything in site. I need to post on Bettie’s page and ask her about the difference between abstinence and recovery. I need to have Faith in myself on this journey, but the fear is there. I will continue to work on myself and recovery ODAAT. I have to remember that I will never be cured of this addiction, therefore, it is a continual journey. It is good for me to write about my fears as it tells me that I am not focusing on today. All I can do is take it one day at a time. It shows me that when I start thinking ahead that is when the panic sets in. I know that for today I do not plan on gambling. Sorry for the rambling!!!
