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Laura, ty. It is so tough. If I was offered a good job tomorrow,yes I would take it. I look reasonable and the hair colour makes a big difference. It would mean I could file for bankruptcy myself i stead of waiting for the inland revenue todo it or for a charitable grant to do it. I think you know that i will not go to Sally Army or a food bank. It just won’t happen. I would ring my son. But I cannot keep asking him. Once or twice is enough for me. The biggest thing for me has always been about dealing with the abandonment issue. It just feels like punishment with no mercy. And the endless silence when I pray. Hence stopping that, it just upsets me.