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Been quiet for a couple of days as to be honest lost yesterday sleeping from 8am to 8pm. I missed my work coach appointment and private gma group. I woke up sick to my stomach and tired but I think that was because I did nt want to see my work coach and go through all that rigmarole. Expected grief from that but didn’t get it. Prayed before I rang them as I know that for some, they get very shirty and cut off benefits. Finally got paid my last two days work.
Was sorry to miss my private group. Went to see my gpfirst thing this morning after being awake all night. Was not surprised by him saying I had been stuck in this state for too long now and it is time to try a very low dose antidepressant. i agreed. He says all my symptoms ie tiredness, cognitive issues when working are all related to an Underlying reactive depression and that my serotonin needs some help. Burned all those serotonin levels gAmbling and I think years ago until gambling started my serotonin feel good hormones were enhanced through my opiate of choice which was a physical relationship.
The antidepressants do have all sorts of side effects and he said that I will have to be on them for at least a year. I was,offered these before but I have been resisting until now. Certificated off till end May.
I have decided to try traditional Chinese medicine which helped me when I had shingles in2003. I will see how this goes and then trial the antidepressants. I don’t wanttotakethe antidepressants but even I can see and ad it that I can’t atay like this,
On anther note, pete has now found a place and will move out in two weeks. We will still see each other as friends. He is quite naturally concerned about the dog missing me who runs i to my room every night to settle down to sleep.
Feeling a bitdefeated again and have requested a counselling session to discuss all of this. It is over eight months the now and recovery has truly not happened. I wonder if it ever will.