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I was writing a post on your journal and came here and seen you had written one on mine. Thanks for your support even when you are in the doldrums and dealing with your own pain and sick to the soul remorseful aftermath.

Indeed, that is the problem, we are incurable and we cannot let our guard down. I know I cannot make a blip and think I’m ok now cos I am a CG and that comes with the territory.

But for me that was such a huge thing to do as it was the one thing I refused to do. I would try anything but I didn’t want my longterm partner and teddy taken away from me without any recourse back to it. I just couldn’t do that. After all like you say, they owe me my money; loads of it, years worth. I can only get it back from them and it was the only way I could turn things around quickly from that big win over night cos I am an instant, impatient person and I want it now. Just as quickly as they took it from me I wanted it back and would keep trying regardless of the pain or losses or detrimental effect it had on me as a person.

It’s a vicious cycle that comes around and goes around the same for all of us. I haven’t got other barriers in place. I’m paying off big debts on my cards so I can’t use them anyway. Besides I found that one of the cards will not allow credit to gambling sites. I will see if I can get the others to block this transactions, too. I don’t have gambling block as I tried K9 and it just took over my whole computer and scanned and blocked anything I searched, in addition to gambling sites which was a pain as the performance was so slow.

I’ve got this golden opportunity now to change my life for good and I can’t and won’t mess it up. The only way I can stay on track is to acknowledge I have this weakness and problem and live each day at a time with the aim of not gambling just for today.

Thanks for your strength and support.

Stay strong and focused. Just for today, I will not gamble.