Thanks Kathryn for your post! I really do need the upcoming trip. No agenda just a relaxing time! I have tried everything to sleep. I sleep in small spurts and wake up constantly. Though last night I was so tired that I slept very well and feel so much better today. I have been doing some things around the house and I am going to go and clean my car soon. My Grandson’s school conference went well yesterday. He is doing well in all subjects and received a math and reading award. The teacher had nothing but positive things to say about him. I can finally say that I am feeling more positive about my life and that I am ready to make some changes involving meeting new people and getting out of my comfort zone. I am not afraid or apprehensive anymore. I think that it just took me some time to work through all of the feelings involved with my Husband’s death. It was a scary process to go through as I had to admit a lot of ugly things regarding our relationship. I had put our marriage on a pedestal and I think that is what a lot of people do when they lose someone. Our marriage was far from perfect, in fact it was very dysfunctional on both of our parts. It doesn’t diminish my love for him but it puts everything into prospective. Honestly, it was hard to admit my part and how I could have changed it. It was causing me to feel such guilt. But in the end, we both told each other how much we cared and loved one another. I had to let go of the negative feelings to move forward. It has taken me months but to release it, but I feel so much better now. I feel like I am ready to move forward. I am not saying to get into another relationship but to not be stuck anymore and to feel like I want to live again. It’s been a long road but being gamble free has helped me tremendously to think straight. I am grateful everyday for that.
