Hey Kin,
I really appreciate you taking the time to post the above.
I can identify with all three scenario’s. The internal fight is horrendous.
I feel much lighter now that I have released my fear and found my truth. This was, I felt in the end, the only way I was going to achieve active recovery. I could no longer live the constant lies and deception – but the courage to overcome my fears of honesty took me some time to realise.
I now see and understand that my illness had created that fear. My illness had lead me to feel that fear so it could remain active. I had to overcome that fear and close down the beast.
It is a truly baffling experience.
The last 24 hours have been extremely painful, difficult, exhilarating, empowering and life changing all mixed into one.
I have found great strength in these forums and in speaking privately via chat with the therapists on this site.
It is only my beginning now, but it is better than what my end was and I look forward to working the program of recovery now on an honest and transparent level.
The work has just begun and I am ever so grateful of the support I have received here.
Rob