thanks for your support and yes I do hope that I will learn to be content with just being happy. I had alot of urges again tonight but my hubby showed up and waited it out until I was finished working. I was annoyed he showed up but happy he was there at the same time. I was fighting with myself over the urges that were being brought to the forefront with every time I looked at him sitting there. I felt torn between what was right, the guilt, ( because he felt he had to protect me from myself) and the desire to gamble. I had a busy night so he was forced to hang around for 3 hours and the poor guy didn’t sleep earlier in the evening. He had parent interviews and came from work to be there for me. I felt bad knowing it was because of me that he would have to go into work sleep deprived. I felt selfish and thoughtless. The only good outcome was that i didn’t gamble. I do believe that I can get through urges now because I don’t want to put him through much more of this. I think this is teaching me more than i would have expected.
I see that this addiction is affecting more than just my pocket book. I never really saw it for what it really was. I have never had someone take care of me like this before.
Its out of love and caring that he is doing this. I need to recipricate and be better than this addiction.
I have one other thought to share > >>
I have noticed how quickly time goes by doing everyday normal things , but when it comes to this addiction time moves so slowly when your trying not to gamble. The hours, the days, the weeks take so long to build into gamble free time. FG
