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All of your pisitive posts are appreciated! Tonight I am in a dark place. It started with more car issues and not getting the right supplies to do my job adequately and ended talking to my youngest and realizing that she’s not even trying to make progress. Everything feels like it’s falling in on me. It’s the accumulation of a lot of feelings hitting me at once. I feel inadequate, hopeless and helpless. I feel like I can’t get a break. I want to gamble but have no money. I’m scared as I get paid in 2 days and all of the money is slotted for bills. In fact, the next 2 months, I have my current property taxes due and house insurance. I have no wiggle room or money for emergencies. I CAN’T gamble!!!
I really tore myself apart today and came to some raw realizations. I can survive on my own. But who wants to be alone? I can’t even pursue a relationship because of this addiction. I don’t trust enough to confine to a potential mate. I don’t have enough control of myself not to fail again. Who’s going to put up with me and this addiction? Sad but true.
I’m in this financial mess because of my poor excuses and addiction. Sometimes I can’t forgive myself. Worry is aging me and taking the life out of me. I’ve prayed to my higher power but she isn’t listening. What did I do that was so bad that I feel like I’m being punished over and over. If this is a life test, I’m ready for it to be over.