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#30808
female g
Participant

I am loved and blessed and grateful for that. Its sweet that you see that.
I am an individual who suffered greatly as a child. A ward of the children’s Aid from 6 months of age until 21 years of age because I stayed in school. I went back and forth from foster home to foster home and into the arms of a mother incapable of looking after her 6 children. She left us at age 11 through suicide and then I spent years in institutions. I had my work cut out for me and many challenges along the way.
The thing that motivated me was the notion I wasn’t capable or worthy of much. That is what made me determined to show the world they were wrong.
I took a lifetime to do it and my biggest opsticle was the abandonment issues I suffered from , plucked from my natural mother and over 30 foster homes.
I got married young and was determined to make it work. We have survived loosing a child, and 2 siblings and financially lost everything at the age of 40. I spent 10 years in therapy as a adult from around 33 to 43 to be sure I had the necessary tools to raise a healthy family . I was only willing to take a chance on one child and then after being convinced to have another I had twins. I was so worried that I wasn’t equipped to raise healthy babies that I became a perfectionist and it was a huge strain. I gave everything I had in me to do right by those babies of mine. Breastfeeding twins for 6 months without any other sustainance. raising a 3 year old and taking care of a husband and a home. It was tough no grandparents, Aunts ore uncles to help out and no one I would trust their safety too. I
I remember the gratification I felt once they enrolled into university unscathed and in tack , It was unbelievable!!!
I was finally accepted as a good parent a good wife and a good person. Yuge!!!
I have finally after 40 years of marriage accepted I’m not going to be abandoned anymore.
My gambling may have tested that theory as well. I’m trying to make sense of that at this time.
I can rest my mind from here on in that I am loved and my 3 babies are amazing. One is a lawyer, one is a C.A. and one a teacher raising beautiful grand babies for me now. Thanks to God for the many blessings in my life.
I did go on and on but it felt right to do so. I am not very often so illing to open up so much.FG