Thanks so much for commenting. Today has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I blocked myself from the gambling sites so I physically cannot gamble. I’m struggling with the shame and guilt of it all. However as I said before reading everyone’s stories makes me feel a little less alone. It’s finally hit me that I was out of control. It’s strange as I always thought I was mentally strong but I was completely blinded by this addiction. I never thought myself as having an addictive personality but scrolling through my online banking deposits is quite simply shocking. I’m so embarrassed just thinking about it all.
Day 1 was really hard. I was in shock, sick to my stomach and I was living in a nightmare. Today I have felt better at points but then I remember what I’ve done and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I think writing it down on here helps.
I’m still waiting on some of the deposits to clear from my account. Seeing the imaginary money sitting feels like I’m being taunted… it’s what I could have had if I only had the
Strength to stop.
Sorry guys a bit of a ramble but I feel like I just need to get this down in black and white. Hopefully one day I can look back at this and see it as my turning point. One thing for sure is I’m definitely not taking my family for granted any more.