Thank you for your words. You’re such an inspiration to me, a proof that it’s possible to stay away from this gambling world.
Well, I kind of get why you say gambling is playing a positive role in my life at the moment. If I had always gambled like I do now I wouldnt be in this forum for sure. Online casinos screwed my life, I gambled all my savings away and have a gambling debt for 10 years to come (I intend to pay it off before, but still). Now that I self excluded myself from all legal online casinos I’m much safer.
I just can’t live with the regret of having spent so much money, and deep down I know I don’t have any control or limits. If I were alone at the casino today I would have spent probably 300/400€ easily. So, I know I have to quit, I know I’m harming myself and digging a bigger hole each time I place a bet.
I haven’t been to any GA meeting or done counselling. In my country or at least in my social circle, mental health is not yet openly talked about. A couple of months ago someone said in the TV that the voters of a political party here are all “urban depressed”, meaning they live in the suburbs and have this depressing 9 to 5 jobs, 1 hour commute, etc. Last week, as kind of a joke, I said to my parents that I feel “urban depressed” (since I’m living in the capital and basically waking up early, going by metro to work, coming back, etc). My mum said immediately “no you re not, don’t say that”. I would expect normal parents from 1st world countries to try to understand why their son said that (even if he was “joking”) and if everything is allright (specially my dad, that knows I have a problem). But no, they just pretend everything’s perfect.
Im just once again trying to blame others for my lack of reaction. I don’t need my parents to go to a GA meeting or find a counsellor. But this mindset of “only crazy people do counselling” is present in my country and maybe that’s why I don’t act.
Thanks once again for your words. Take care