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Thanks! The day went by just fine thanks to a lot of work. The urge to gamble is not so strong today, but on the other hand nothing has triggered me to gamble. I know from before that the sense of control is false as its like a high in itself to get off the gambling train in the beginning. 

I know that you are right about coming clean about my problem – no more lies , but i just dont know if I will ever be able to do it. I cant even explain why? I should be happy – and i am greatful for the life i have today. 10 years ago i lived in an absolute nightmare and was at rock bottom. One thing that that makes it even worse is that i have lived with a gambling addict myself (he was an alcoholic too and very abusive) – it was awful and i got dragged in financially and started lying to people around us and his family to protect him, but also myself. I would not want anyone else to feel the way i did back then. I dont even know how i got myself into this mess, it’s really sickening and i should know better. 

I will try to join a group here some day soon and stay on the forum as i dont have anyone else to talk to.

Have a nice evening!