Gambling Therapy logo
#4312
Jilly1
Participant

This is abuse Caroline and yet I understand your last line – ‘I nearly believe he is right’
He is not right and his behaviour is certainly not right.
But I completely understand how you question yourself because you have had so many years of this treatment.
Watch the pattern, watch him come back all apologetic saying it will never happen again – until the next time.
Yes he will have a good side and a charming side and we start to become over grateful for the scraps of kindness they throw us after a bad episode.we want the pain to go away and the peace to be restored but unless he is dealing with his addiction it will not last.
Keep writing it down here until you feel strong enough to decide what actions you can take.
Step outside of this. Think of your best friend telling you this story. What would you say to them? Would you think it was your friends fault?
It is so hard when you are caught up in the middle of addiction.
I used to get angry and my friends would say ‘stay angry’ because they had seen me give in so many times to unacceptable behaviour even though I said time and time again that I could not take anymore.
I have noticed that with a bully, often when you do stand up to them they crumble. I agree with worried mama that when he is in this irrational mood it is best not to confront him but there should be consequences for his behaviour. It is a disgusting way to behave and there is no real excuse.
I think you should confide more in your friends. This is a very difficult thing to cope with on your own. Do not feel shame or that you have to cover up for him. Put your own needs first. I hid my situation for a long time and then the dam burst and I have only found kindness and support.
My situation went on so long that I lived a very abnormal life but it somehow became my ‘ normal’ and this abnormal version of normal can go on for years and in my case become more and more extreme.
Keep writing it all down here. I really believe it will help you to see how unacceptable his behaviour his and give you the strength to find a path through this.
I am angry for you. How dare he say such things in front of your children?
There is always hope.
Jilly