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Thank you IDI for the kind words. And for listening.

Today I applied for three more jobs. Still hoping one of the other 35 job applications I have completed will come through.

I figure wife and I have two months to make move or stay decision. If we wait longer than that we risk not having enough cash to dress the house for sale, and that would mean having to take a hard-money offer for our home.

I realize end of December is a bad time to apply for jobs. Maybe early January one of these openings will appear for me.

Had trouble sleeping last night. Dreams about ‘before’ I lost the money. Waking up is the hardest part of the day for me. Especially if i wake up early or in the middle of the night. It just seems hopeless.

Once I am up and about, have some coffee, and continue my job search I start to feel less hopeless, and almost hopeful.

Every minute of every day, I have this dark cloud of fear over my head. What keeps me going is my wife. I messed things up, and now I have to fix them. I have to be strong, and smile everyday, to keep her from going into a deep depression.

Whenever I communicate my fear to her, she starts to crack.

I need to keep the appearance of hopefulness, because if she completely breaks down, I don’t know if I can keep up the energy to continue job hunting. Maybe a better way of saying it is, “It would not HELP my job hunting”

I am trying to visualize a future, where the both of us have some level of stability, some level of financial security. It is killing both of us to be in this limbo.