I just wanted to jump back into my journal to share a quick update and speak to anyone in the very early stages of their journey.
You’re at the stage where it feels impossible to get out of this deep dark hole. You feel stuck. It does get better.
For the first few days I found myself checking the forum every half an hour, desperate for someone to talk to and help me through the unbelievable urge to gamble again. It helped so much being able to read the stories of other people going through the exact same thing. Stick with it, these days are the most important!
Over the first couple of weeks I settled into a rhythm of checking up on myself every couple of hours. If I felt the need to gamble I paused and thought about it instead of jumping straight into the casino. I came into the forum. I occupied myself with other activities. I also kept an eye on my bank account as it (very slowly) started to look a little healthier. It started with having £20 sitting there and teaching myself not to gamble it away immediately and it grew from there.
Once the first month had past I realised that I was thinking about gambling less and less. On the days I did I came here, but most of the time I was able to change my direction of thought without too much effort.
Now, at three months gambling free, I don’t think about gambling very often at all. When I do, I immediately remind myself how much better I feel without it.
Today I have £500 in my savings account. I know it’s safe and it’s there for a real emergency. The thought of going to the shops doesn’t fill me with dread in case my card doesn’t work. When someone mentions going out I don’t have to work out my bank balance in my head based on the deposits that I know have still to be withdrawn.
It does get better. You do grow. Use the support around you and take things one day at a time.