Hi Everyone
It seems such a long time since I’ve done an update I don’t know where to start.
Firstly my dog did pick up after the last time I was here but very sadly he had what we think was a stroke about 2 weeks ago now so I had to have him put to sleep – still feeling the loss, very sad to lose a good friend.
Other than the odd nasty message from my ex partner which only served as a reminder of pastures old I am now living without the addiction and life has only got better. I believe I still carry the effects but slowly they are diminishing, time can be a good healer sometimes. There are some advantages though to having such a dreadful experience, I believe that now I am a stronger person and I have a much better insight to myself than maybe I would have had before.
I remember feeling nothing, dead inside and worrying whether this feeling would stay around for ever, thankfully it seems to be lifting a little – now that could possibly be due to going on a few dates with someone who has had the ability to make me laugh although it is a bit of a culture shock to me to be treated properly !! Watch this space with that one, more dates (with the same person !) planned for this week so who knows.
The boys are all doing well and I think this could be a lot to do with their Mum being happy with her eye back on the ball and a stress free home for them, I didn’t realise quite how much they were worrying too.
So away from the shadow of the addiction all is well in Jenny land I am happy to report. In fact I think I better slow down a bit – not used to all this socialising, the amount of baths and relaxation is truly amazing, if this is recovery then long may it continue !!
I too would like to say to anyone out there who is reading and not posting, please just take that first step, I too did all of the IFs that Velvet talks about and I have one to add.
IF I had not come to this forum then there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would still be struggling in a sticky muddy hole somewhere.
IF I had not come to this forum and plucked up the courage to post I think now about 6 years ago then my life would be very very different than the one I have today.
And furthermore I would not have all of you !!
So take a chance do that first post, if you were like me then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain – with or without your CG. I am without and I survived to tell the tale !!
I am looking forward to reading everyone else’s updates and I really hope to see everyone popping up all over the place, I am guilty of being an absentee just lately (some people may be relieved XX) Even though gambling is no longer in my life I think of here often and with affection.
So with that I will love you and leave you – hopefully not quite for so long
Jenny x