Today I gambled………………I have messed up once again and caused major financial and emotional damage I can live with my mess but I hate seeing what it does to the people I love yet I still do it time and time again………..sometimes I nearly give in I honestly do but I must find the strength to not only repair the damage I have done but to try the hardest I possibly can to make myself into a better man, I feel beat, drained and really ****** off with myself, just got out of hospital yesterday and went into stuipd distruction mode……..no need for it I just need to sort myself out, I am not in self pitty mode I am in kick my own arse mode and sort yourself out once and for all.
I am a compulsive gambler God I know that so I just cant gamble in any way shape or form……………………..just for today I give up but for tomorrow I will pick myself up and try and be the best man I can possibly be, sorry for letting myself and everyone else down, I dont know why I keep walking down the same road into the same pile off **** everytime……….just for today my only conclusion is I am a ****, the only consulation is my wife and kids had a great christmas because off not gambling I managed to sort everything out……………now because off gambling I have wreked everything and in for a bloody long January…………I have always hated the new year!!!!!
Maverick