Gambling Therapy logo

Today, I am suffering from no sleep at all night. I couldn’t focus on my deadline for work and did everything yesterday to distract me from doing it while keeping colleagues happy with progress, so they would not be alarmed. I even sat and watched TV till 11pm.

Then I went to do my work but still avoiding this major complex proposal I had to do, went on my personal laptop ‘to block the sites’ and ended up going on the sites and gambling in demo/practice mode with no real money till 2:30 am !
How sick is that ?

I seen how it would take me up then right down to the last bet before slowly turning around again. This went on thrice till it ended up with zero after £5, 000 win ! How have I been taken all this time but just could not see it and think normal. But I am not cured and my weak self will and could trust and succumb to the lies of this demon in me again.

Then slowly I tackled the task before me and worked till I finished the document at 7am ! Tried to sleep for 2 hours but got woken by my work phone asking about the document. I didn’t want to send it at 7am or they’ll realise I’ve been working till late on it, so sent it then.

I had loads of ‘interruptions’ from work and didn’t get a chance to get some sleep. I was walking around like a zombie till I chatted to my sister in another country on Skype for our daily ‘catch up and support session’ and was advised to have a shower and attend a meeting and tea with the ‘Bomber boys’ which I had booked for. Bomber boys were war veterans who flew the bombers for the air warfare in WW2.

Had a shower at the last moment and walked to the village hall. It was so wonderful being outdoors in fresh air and feeling the lovely fresh spring air and warm sunshine with the birds singing happily in the lush woods on my way. I really enjoyed my time there listening to the Bomber boys now in the 90’s and appreciated how much was sacrificed and given to give us the freedom we have after the war.

I left early to get back to work and realised how wonderful and precious life is. There are so many things, simple things we have to enjoy and given for our pleasure and delight , yet we totally spurn it and seek for pleasures that only bring destruction and heartache. I felt for the first time that I was being normal again and realised I could be happy and laugh with others even much older than me. It was a good moment in time. I must learn to value more of these simple things in life with no cost or very little cost which have far reaching results and are more lasting.

Life is good. Live it to become your true self again and develop your character, strength and inner beauty; qualities that make you happy and love others and make you a better person but cannot be bought with money.

So just for today. I did NOT gamble.