Transforming Anger
Transforming feelings of hurt, such as frustration and anger is mostly about comfort. We need to divert our attention, to calm down.
We need to be empathy to resolve conflict.
We must set limits to promote maturity, it will help us cope with anger more constructively.
Setting limits, however, can provoke anger and frustration. At such times, we may need to ignore and calmly tolerate the emotions, allowing ourselves to calm down
It is key that we understand the hurt feelings that underlie the anger.
The hurt about not getting our way is about recovering from frustration and learning to delay gratification, which is part of maturing.
Although we have been told “no,”
Limit setting can be achieved with calm, kind firmness.
There is no need for harshness.
Sympathy and empathy make limit setting much easier.
It is ok, we can walk away now, and come back another time.
It is ok, no need to allow our aggression to prevails over reason, there is no need to fight back or flight or seek instant gratification. It is time to take a step back, regain our calmness and patient, delay gratification, there is no need to rush.
Physical pursuits can be good outlets for feelings of stress or frustration.
The ability to respond with humor represents cognitive growth,using humor to tease or to defend against feelings of hurt is a fabulous psychological defense.
Ideally we want to resort to complimentary words and not sarcastic words.
Compromising to avoid further conflict or talking with a friend who will certainly “be on your side,” are effective means of melting anger away.
Drawing and journaling also transform feelings of hurt, frustration and anger.
Provoking irrational fights with family members is another favorite means of coping with overwhelming feelings of frustration and anxiety about facing greater responsibility and accountability.
The temptation to resort to maladaptive coping, such as using cigarettes, drugs, gambling or alcohol is great but with more practices, one can gained sufficient confidence and competence, we will learn how to compromise, and, when necessary, how to fight for what is right.