Thank you Velvet for your encouragement. I thought I had posted a reply to your message but with the site transition maybe it got lost..
I am hanging in there …my husband continues to be untruthful to me. He has been trying in some respects (new therapy 3x a week!), helping more with kids, trying to be attentive, etc. But at the same time I caught him bookmarking some sites I was on (my personal bank account site (bc he wanted to “keep track of my money”, and even this one) I am not sure if my words are even safe here..He could be lurking…I am not that computer savvy and if he wanted/wants to spy that way, I would have no ability to stop him. As for my personal bank account, who knows what his real intentions were – I am so bad with stuff like that I couldn’t even log on to my own account – could he have changed my own password and me not know it?? I guess I need to look into that.. I feel so helpless and hopeless…We are living in the same house but sleep in different beds – We are almost living different lives – I think “what is the point?”…I have a hard time just getting out of bed in the morning – I must be depressed- I just don’t care anymore because it all seems hopeless. It is hard for me to see the point of going on….
Recently my best friend d*ed, another close friend (forcibly) was moved to another country far away, i am estranged from my family of origin and we are being audited by the IRS. I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this and the thought if finding yet another therapist to talk to is just too much (myself and us together have seen many, many therapists..).
I dont see how this will ever get better….
any words of encouragement might keep me going, at least another day..
with love
M