Twilight, thank your for sharing and no offense taken. You are right in that I feel an urgency. Anyone with fertility issues feels this urgency to become a parent and pregnant. It’s horrible to be in a situation like this with fertility issues period and I know the gambling problem and marital issues complicates it even more. I get what you say. There’s a whole lot of grief that I am dealing with and all I can do is turn to God and work on me as you say and as recovery programs recommend.
I know a child won’t make him change and that’s not my intention either. I don’t expect anyone to understand and I have discussed it in therapy. For now I can’t worry about the fertility issues or him. I do think and cry about it and what I am practicing on the daily basis is praying and talking to God about everything.