#1865
nomore 56
Participant

Hi Adele, I thought about replying to you long and hard. Your post reminded me on the mess on my own plate of noodles. I agree with San that it would help both of you to become separate or rather to become single individuals (not as in single per se). Just like with you and your hb, we too had a lot of issues to work out other than the gambling. The addiction of course was the tip of the iceberg and what led to it caused a lot of other problems in return. It was all a great big nasty enmeshment of this and that. To untangle the web will probably take a lot of work and time for both of you. Just from my own experience I am wondering, if it will do you guys a lot of good to jump right into the middle of the pasta dish. It seems like your hb has a lot of unresolved issues besides the gambling and maybe, just maybe it would be a good idea for him to get some gambling specific counseling in addition to your marriage therapy. I can only speak from my own experience but when my hb went to the last inpatient treatment program he was finally after all those years able to uncover what actually “made” him need the addiction as a crutch to deal with his past. It is all intertwined and one thing led to another. If there would have ever been a chance to keep our marriage alive, it would have been AFTER he completed the program and started to really work on his recovery. Before that, it would have been all smoke and mirrors. As long as the addiction was alive and well, he would have agreed with everything a counselor would have said or suggested. He would have never addressed what really caused his pain all those years, mostly because he wasn’t really aware of it and not ready to deal with it in any way. Again, that is just my opinion. I also believe firmly that it takes a counselor who is familiar with gambling addiction to uncover the real truth, so to speak. Maybe like removing the sauce before the spaghettis can be untangled? As long as you both feel comfortable with the counselor right now and feel like you are making progress, it is a start. I learned in my training that addiction treatment comes first because an addict does have the capacity to see things clearly before starting recovery. That is the reason why a mental health evaluation oftentimes has to wait until the addiction is addressed, especially when it comes to certain mood disorders. I’m rambling here so I better stop now. LOL. Anywho, I wish you luck, you are tough and at the very least the counseling will help you along on your road to your own recovery!! Happy full moon today….