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I havent posted because really I don’t really get any responses and I guess we post when we feel like doing it, and it is our journal to record our recovery journey and how we feel, which after the week I have had is a good thing really. And again I feel the urge to post.
I read long term posters on here or recovering gamblers who say in six months time, or in one year I will be debt free. For those of us roue’s who went so far down the old rabbit hole of gambling I am happy for these folks but think to myself, well I am two years five weeks gambling free and still living with the fallout. I still don’t open my post and today I got my month salary to find the inland revenue has taken a quarter of it directly. Crikey, and if I paid what I owed and worked till I am 70 I might just have paid that debt off. I was so angry and upset. What is the bloody point?
I am already strategising as to how to fight it, what to do to enable my dreams of things I want to do to still to happen on such a reduced income. Giving it to God.
Also this week, I ring the national number for my appointment and my gp surgery to find out what has happened about my appointment. Both have failed. Gp to let me know the password to access an on line appointment and the hospital because they think it is on line so don’t send letters. And I find my appointment with a gastroenterologist and hepatologist is tomorrow so I have to take time off at short notice. I despair of this country, I really do.
And then on way home at bus stop I see the chap I took a bit of a shine to, then put myself off him a while ago. We have a chat and introduce ourselves. That was a pleasant end to a shite day. The aftermath of gambling can last the rest of our lives.