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Nearly 10 months has passed since I first wrote on here. On the whole things have been pretty good. I attended a few AA and GA meetings and although I didn’t find them my cup of tea I have reduced my alcohol consumption and haven’t gambled (or even really thought about it) since that disastrous night in July.

However, old demons have came back to haunt me. My job takes me round the world for months at a time and recently I have been stuck in a hotel under quarantine. With not a lot to do I found myself having a few drinks and playing poker with friends for the first time in months. Once that ended the appetite had been whet and I found myself drawn to the online casino. After depositing $2000 I miraculously find myself waking up to $16,000! However new customer restrictions prevent me from cashing out and for days and days I’m sitting there contining to play and praying that I will be able to cash out. Cut a long story short. Tonight I blew it in 4 spins of a roulette wheel. I’m absolutely pig sick at the moment. How could I be so god damn stupid!! I guess we all know, once you get in that zone all rational thought and sensible decision making goes out the window. I’m so angry at myself for allowing myself to be continually drawn back to the website when I know that they were holding off in paying out, hoping this would happen. $16,000 wouldn’t make up for my f@@@ up last year but it would have been some consolation. Maybe in my mind I knew it was all or nothing?? I don’t know? Anyway I’m now in an work place environment that I can’t drink and I can safely say that have no intention of chasing it. I thought last year was a one off but unfortunately no, guess it’s something that I will have to keep working at.

Thanks for reading.