Hi everyone, I just wanted to post an update on my situation in case it may give some strength and hope to others.
I just moved out of the home I shared with my CG for the second time. It was totally heartbreaking, but I know it was the right thing for me.
Reading the advice on this site, the main piece of advice to F&F of CGs seems to be ‘put yourself first’. In my case, doing so has meant ending the relationship with my partner and leaving…and although I am extremely sad I also know I have saved myself a lot of future misery.
When I went to the house to take my things away my ex cried like a baby…but EVEN THEN, with both of us in so much pain, he would not say he was willing to stop gambling. He still insists that it is not a problem because he makes a lot of money playing poker. That may be the case, but how many people would be happy with a partner who stays up all night gambling most nights – never shares a bed with them, forgets to wash, eats rubbish, and is always exhausted because of his nightly gambling sessions… I’m sure you all know the drill. For me it was the behaviour around the gambling, not the activity itself that was so destructive and toxic.
The last straw for me was the way he gaslighted me, saying it wasn’t his gambling that was destroying us, it was my intolerance of it! That was when I knew I absolutely had to get out or my self-esteem would eventually be crushed.
So I’ve found a very nice apartment for myself in a new town where I have friends, and am making a fresh start. I have been supported all the way by friends, family, my therapist, and the 12-step fellowship I am in….and for this I feel very lucky. I urge anyone who is caught in the madness of a relationship with a CG to reach out for support, and lots of it, because the addiction will try every possible tactic to gaslight you in to compliance.
I cannot help hoping that the pain of the separation from my CG may trigger a ‘revelation’ for him – I am the second woman to leave him because of poker, but my sponsor says he is probably decades away from any such realisation as he still has a house, successful career, attention from women etc etc. So I know I need to let this hope go and move on with my life.
I just wanted to say that it is possible to escape the madness, that although it hurts it feels so much better to be away from that darkness and toxicity and self-esteem battering…and many many thanks for the support I’ve had on this forum.