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Hey Velvet,

Thanks so much for sharing your kind thoughts with me. I’m sorry it took me two days to reply.

I don’t believe I’m the one to “blame” or blameable, at least not exactly. It’s just that with the advent of all these problems happening in my life and family, I’ve realized through some reflection that I could’ve done something earlier – even if I could’ve spoken up earlier, the debts may not have gotten so big. In a sense, I’d say I’m at least partially responsible for the problem my family will face here,( i.e. debts, moving, lawyers) but I know I’m not responsible or blamable for the gambling. I couldn’t have effected the gambling issues, which are the real problem.

But I could’ve at least caught on to the true nature of the debts earlier, or I could’ve started dialogues within the family earlier which would’ve lead to the debts being caught on earlier, and not becoming so big. It seems pedantic, ha, but in this case it could’ve been difference between hundreds of thousands.

There’s a lot of complicated factors here. For one, I was raised by my mother (my father being the provider), who instilled these passive behaviour patterns into me and my sibling. She taught us to not question her and respect her authority, and so living under her household I continued these patterns until now, early adulthood. But it’s not as though I was not a conscious person with a free will leading up to now, and I knew that a problem brewed in my family – the lines of responsibility intersect with the lines of victim-hood by circumstance – everything is blurry and deep in the past, it’s up to me to interpret the past to guide my future.

I like to give a lot of thought in my posts too, i guess. I’ve hardly addressed what I’ve wanted to say yet, but I have to leave and continue later. Sorry! I will return to finish this post, as soon as I can.

Before I part, Velvet, you mentioned my mother was lucky to have a son like me. But even more so I feel that I and world are beyond fortunate to have anyone like you.

Best regards,