Vera,
Thanks so much for your support and post again with a new take on the pitfalls if I sit on my laurels and live in the jubilation moment. I am certainly not a swift learner as it has taken me over 20 years to get here.
I’m so glad that God put you in the right place to give me that kick in the butt at the right moment where I was ready to accept and embrace it and do what I’ve never had the nerve or will to do before. I can’t stop thanking God for leading me there and for my ‘angel Vera’ to enlighten me by being forthright and bold and not holding back !
But Vera I am sorry to hear about your relapse and can’t believe how after abstaining for 14 months you were led right back to the ‘scene of the crime’. We just cannot afford to lose focus or let our guard down. I found online gambling when I came here too and that was a slow, progression at first with an acceleration when my father died in 2009.
Then last year when I took so much my flack from my boyfriend because I was a gambler, it drove me further into gambling. I’m not blaming him but how I felt triggered my escape to gambling. Amazing how an agnostic loves pointing out when one is a gambler and a Christian and he is not a Christian but would never gamble ! He knew how to turn the knife when I was already reeling with the guilt and remorse anyway.
By March this year I ended up throwing all my salary plus bonus over to the wolves. And if that wasn’t enough, when the pain subsided and the loss forgotten, I went back in April and did the same ! What I fool I was. I even went on to gamble my business expense money which I had to pay on my company credit card.
But I don’t think I could even begin to imagine your pain with your once in a lifetime lumpsum. That is a hard knock to take and accept. I am so sorry for you. I am so happy to hear that by the grace of God you’re done with the online gambling.
I met a woman at GA who I’m trying to support after she lost over £500k in less than 9 months from her parents inheritance and sale of their family home and had to admit to her young daughter and move in with her. But she will not let go and lost all her salary on the same day it was paid in again this month. All because she can’t accept it and move on so keep chasing her losses even though her daughter has her cards, her money and blocked her computer. There will always be a way back in.
Appreciate your warning and support so much. You have really taught me and shown me things I would never be aware of. Thanks for sharing your lessons learnt with me so that I can learn from your mistakes too and keep my focus upward and not downward or on my own self efforts.
It’s all about trusting God even when the strong winds blow and the storms are closing in on me, to remain in Him and not try to paddle my own boat.
Many thanks, Vera.
God bless you.
Love,
Lauren
xxx